CHUCK NORRIS - vse najboljše za rojstni dan

Chuck Norris ima danes rojstni dan.

Tu je samo nekaj resnic o njem :

Naj vas opomnimo, česa vsega je zmožen Chuck Norris.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Ko je chuck norris zapustil deviške otoke, so se nato imenovali le otoki.
Solze od Chucka Norrisa zdravijo raka. Škoda da nikoli ne joka.
Chuck Norris se še ni kdaj umil ker voda pred njim beži. Pa vendar ni umazan, ker umazanija za vodo ne zaostaja.
Chuck Norris je edini moški, pri katerem ženska utihne potem, ko jo je nategnil.
Samo Chuck Norris je sposoben narediti samomor iz zasede!
Chuck Norris ne dobi sončnih opeklin, sonce dobi Chuck Norris opekline!
Na začetku je bla Pangea, potem je pa prišel Chuck Norris...
06.06.06 je prišel hudič, da bi začel apokalipso, pa je srečal Chuck Norrisa...
Strela ne udari Chuck Norrisa, ampak Chuck Norris strelo.
Chuck Norris je edini preštel do neskončno. Dvakrat.
Chuck Norris te lahko ubije s katerimkoli delom svojega telesa v eni sami sekundi. Ce je dobre volje ti celo dovoli, da lahko sam izberes.
Samo Chuck Norris pozna zadnji dve decimalki številke PI.
Chuck Norris ne ve veliko o spletnih straneh. Še dobro da ne, saj bi drugače zbirsal celoten internet.
Chuck Norris je edini človek na svetu, ki lahko krožni udarec pošlje po elektronski pošti.
Chuck Norris ne spi.... on čaka.
Policija označi vsakogar, ki napade Chuck Norrisa kot CD 45-11.... samomor.
Chuck Norris spi pri luči.
Amapk ne zato, ker se boji teme, ampak ker se tema boji njega!
Chuck Norris lahko ubija s pogledom in to za tri generacije naprej.
Chuck Norris ni naročen na National Geographic, ampak je National Geographic na Chuck Norrisa.
Zakaj kupuje Slovenska vojska nove oklepnike? Ker nimajo Chuck Norrisa.
Chuck Norris na krvodajalski akciji:
"Dvocevko in vedro prosim!"
CHUCK NORRIS je prvi sesul windowse!
Naslednje ime za Microsoftov operacijski sistem bo ChuRis, ker bo bolj udarjal po luknjah.
Zkaj Chuck Norris nima antivirusnega na računalniku. Ker ko virus prileti v računalnik, se ga tak vstraši, da se kar obrne.
Chuck Norris je ubil Hitlerja, sam neonacisti tega nočejo priznati!
Bog je hudiča pregnal z nebes na zemljo, Chuck Norris ga je usekal naprej v Pekel...
Chuck Norrisov prdec diši kot pomladanski travnik. Ampak te vseeno ubije.
Če ne bi bilo Chuck Norrisa, bi danes na Zemlji živelo 11 miljard ljudi.
Teorija evolucije ne obstaja. Obstaja samo spisek bitij, ki jim Chuck Norris pusti živeti.
Chuck Norris ne rabi vojske, on je vojska.
Še vedno mislite da ste lahko Chuck Norris? Ne? Sem si mislil!
In v razmislek: Zemlja se vrti samo, ker Chuck Norris nima kaj proti...
Chuck Norris je mrtev že deset let, vendar mu smrt tega do zdaj še ni upala povedati.
Ce vprasas Chuck Norrisa koliko je ura, ti bo odgovoril "Dve sekundi do!", in ko ga vprasas "Do česa?" ti bo s krošejem gobec razbil!
Macgyver lahko napravi avion iz zvecilnega in pisarniske sponke, vendar ga lahko Chuck Norris ubije in mu ga vzame.
Nekoc je Chuck Norris tako močno zamahnil z nogo, da je le-ta prebila svetlobni zid, šla nazaj po času in ubila Jurija Vego, ko se je ta odpravljal domov.
Chuck Norris ne bere knjig. Tako dolgo strmi v njih, dokler ne dobi informacij, ki jih rabi!
Chuck Norris je izgubil nedolžnost še pred svojim očetom!
Pod njegovo brado se skriva dodatna pest!
Na svetu obstajajo le dve vrsti ljudi: nesposobneži in Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris se je nekoc sprehajal po ulici z masivno erekcijo. Nobeden ni preživel!
V povprečni sobi je 1278 predmetov s katerimi te lahko Chuck Norris ubije, vključno s samo sobo.
Chuck Norris je edini, ki je premagal steno pri namiznem tenisu!
Ko se je Chuck Norris rodil, je sestra zavpila "A ni to Chuck Norris?" Potem se je dala dol z njim. Bila je že tretje dekle, ki jo je Chuck Norris položil!
Chuck Norris lahko zažge mravljo s pomočjo povečevalnega stekla. Ponoči!
Chuck Norris rabi 20 minut, da gleda 60 minut!
Chuck Norris lahko deli z ničlo!
Ko dela Chuck Norris sklece, ne dviguje sebe, temvec zemljo poriva navzdol!
Chuck Norris ne gleda sončnih zahodov. On jih napravi!

Kaj Chuck Norris je tudi potapljač

Riki je napisal/a:Kaj Chuck Norris je tudi potapljač

mI SMO LAHKO POTAPLJAČI KER ČAK NORIS NIMA NIČ PROTI!!

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

2. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

3. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

4. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

5. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

7. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

8. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

9. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

10. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

12. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

13. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."

14. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

15. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

16. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

17. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and
Chuck Norris.

18. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

19. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral $ex, KFC and Tequila.

20. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

21. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

22. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.

23. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.

24. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

25. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

26. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

27. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

28. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

29. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

30. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's
Chuck Norris!" Then she had had $ex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

31. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night.

32. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

33. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up
with lactose's $hit.

34. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

35. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pjs to bed.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris neads a conceal carry permit to put is hands in his pockets.

On the first day God said "let there be light." Chuck Norris said "say please."

Some men have relations with sheep. Chuck Norris fucks Kodiak bears.

Chuck Norris once ate a 100oz steak in 60 minutes. The kicker is, 58 of those minutes were spent banging the waitress.

Chuck Norris doesn't need an airbag -- his stearing wheel and windshield know better.

Extraterrestrials are not here to observe you..they're watching Chuck Norris.

Jesus died for your sins because his brother Chuck Norris can't be killed.

The passenger pidgeon went extinct shortly after one of them was dumb enough to shit on Chuck Norris.

They say the #1 killer of people is heart disease. They're wrong. The #1 killer of everything is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' penis is so large it is actually black.

Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag somebody..he potato sacks 'em.

Chuck Norris has to pull out or he'll blow a load like a shotgun right out the girl's back.

One of Chuck Norris' sperm holds the world record for the freestyle.

Tomaž !
Zdaj pa že nakladaš
Chuck Norris je samo v filmu, ker še ga nikoli v Radgoni Johnyji nisem srečal